I'm so alone...I feel like I want to kill myself, advice please?

I'm so alone...I feel like I want to kill myself, advice please?
i say u live with it for four more years, i mean wat else can u do make new friend or do wat i do drown out EVERYONE with video games and staying in my room day dreaming til i get snapped out of it




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I'm so tired of life. I'm 14, and life is just sh1t already..I can't imagine how it will be when I'm older. My friends are not my friends. Ive started highschool this year, and 2 of my friends come to the same school. They both hate me, and they're both guys. One of them hates talking, unless it's to make fun of me (he didn't always use to be like this) and call me rude things. The other one, we aren't really friends, he just hangs out with us, and laughs at what names and jokes my friend cracks about me. They're really hurtful, but I don't ever say anything.

I'm known as ONE of the "emo kids" because I have pink hair, and always wear black. There are a quite a few other kids at school that "look" like me, but they're all sophomores or juniors, and well...

at home, my mom is the bane of my existence. She hits me, slammed the handle of a broom into my forehead, suffocated me, and told me she has wanted to put me up for adoption, and I act indifferent to these things, but they hurt, badly. She constantly mocks me, threatens me, and she furiates me to the point of where I cut myself. But i cant even do that now cause some people found out...and said if i ever did it again theyd send me to a mental hosp

The only relaxation i can ever get is simply by using ym computer, since it holds all my music, and old pictures. But she stormed into my room one day, and just grabbed my computer and started hurtling it off the desk. It doesn't work so well anymore

My older sister also adds on to the stress...One night she told me she was going to "break" me. she ran into my room and grabbed most of my clothes and told me i wasn't allowed to wear them. I started hyperventilating and burst into tears. she screamed at me to shut up and i start counting to calm myself down, and she slaps me. i fell to the ground and she kicked me

She is the reason why I got into smoking pot, and looking for drugs, alcohol, i need some sort of way to be free. But, it's the last straw..I can't live with her for four more years. She's insane...


My dad died in '06. We were on vacation, my dad didn't come though. It was like a 2 month vacation. My dad had a cousin, who was alot younger. My mom was in an inappropriate relationship with him. The guy sent my mom an email, that my dad saw, and thats how he found out. Now, my dad has been dead. My older sister snooped in my moms email, and she showed me what she found. There is this 32 year old guy who my mom says is a "family" friend, and after my older sister showed me those emails...well that guy had been saying loads of innapropriate things to my mom and she was responding. THE guy was my dads student, cause my dad was a professor. It hurts me everyday to think about how screwed up my life is, how messed up my family is, and how much i hate them all.

I'm swamped in work, hatred, and sadness.

Can i please have some advice? How can i be happy again? I think it's been a few years since I last felt really happy

I'm sorry if i came off as annoying or pathetic i know i'm very lucky and there are alot of ppl worse off than me..i guess i just cant handle pain very well

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